peace be with you

When Rape Outcry was first founded, I was challenged by the above quote by Mother Teresa; what does “pro-peace” mean for our mission? Always feeling a strong conviction to break the silence surrounding sexual abuse and to sway people into understanding how devastating and destructive rape can be; we’ve taken a no-nonsense approach in campaigning for a rape-free nation. The title of our first campaign, “No More Pussy-Footing Around” was enough to bolster our young organization as the radical activist on campus who was no longer prepared to consider everything rosy. Violence has the ability to reduce people to mere dominoes as though it is all simply a game in which no one gets hurt.

I recently read about a case in which a child was raped by her classmate, and upon closer investigation, an entire chain of children who had been raped by other children and continued to repeat this behaviour was exposed. The source of such sexual violence is usually impossible to find, however, often the instigator is an adult who had sexually abused or exposed a child to violent pornography, and this child then goes on to act out the behaviour on another child, who in turn acts it out on yet another child… These cases, though rarely spoken of, are more common than you can imagine.

Fellow South Africans, we have a problem… our nation is considered the Rape Capital of the World and yet we do next-to-nothing to stop it; instead, choose to live in fear, supposedly safe behind electric fences, burglar bars and All Sound Security. Ironically, 80% of perpetrators are known by their victims and about half of the cases reported occur within the home while security and insurance companies are making a killing off of our worry and fret. This is not normal and it does not have to be like this!

The very idea of protesting for peace, signifies that there is a lack of peace, a deficiency, a need. Yet, if this is not acknowledged, there won’t be any protesters - for peace or otherwise… So, it is with this thinking, that our mission in diminishing sexual abuse, should be two-fold: on one hand we need to take our blinkers off, see and understand the deep destructive nature of violence and turn from of our apathy and callousness. On the other hand, we need to hope for something that goes beyond the wreckage. Something worth living for, fighting for… and this can sometimes be the hardest to do, because our wills and motivation are weak. I believe that half of the problem of people not acknowledging the sexual violence in our nation is due to the myth that there is nothing we can do about it. So what is the point?

Change, I believe is possible, and it is not some idealistic fantasy or wishful thinking. It is incredibly real. Believing that rape survivors can find healing and the strength to forgive, that perpetrators can be remorseful and held liable, that children can grow up freely and safely – that we all can live out of respect and empathy for one another – believing in this, is revolutionary, is powerful beyond words.

This is not some shallow thinking of only embracing all that is good, “yay! peace, yay!” while turning a blind eye to the negative… Awareness and Accountability are vital! Yet, without Hope, it will only leave us wallowing in misery, pity and resentment.

The key, I believe, is to take full responsibility for our behaviour by acknowledging that we choose to behave in a certain manner. Yes, there may be psychological, social, political or historical reasons to explain why we do the things that we do, and while it is important to understand these drives, they must never be used to excuse violence. Accepting that we chose to behave apathetically or cruelly, means that we too can choose not to. Embracing the power of choice – as well as trusting our own inherent goodness – will not only bolster self-esteem, but also empower us to love better. After all, if it is true that we project negative feelings about ourselves onto others, can we not project the good feelings towards ourselves onto others too?

(The above article was included in Rape Outcry's second newsletter, for the original pdf, please email us at info@rapeoutcry.co.za)